Fire and Brimstone: AOC Shocks, Awes Henderson NCAA Annual Meeting

(Butte, Montana) – She certainly didn’t disappoint.

Media darling and current jelly-of-the-month Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, freshman Democratic congresswoman from the Bronx, brought down the house as the keynote speaker at the 2019 Annual Winter Meeting of the Henderson NCAA Tournament held at the Seven Gables Resort in the outskirts of Butte, Montana.

“Ask not what you can do for your country…ask what your country can do for you,” Ocasio-Cortez – better known by the phonetically-challenged as simply AOC – bellowed to audible groans from the crowd of nearly 2,500 attendees.

Throughout her 30-minute address, AOC provoked anger, disgust and confusion as she made sweeping proposals and allegations, including:

• Retroactively awarding the 2018 Men’s NCAA National Championship to Southern McNeese State Women’s Junior College. “The oppression stops today.”
  
• Renaming the Atlantic Coast Conference the “AOC” Conference. “It’s the least you can do for all I have accomplished.”
• Shouting “Mr. Henderson – tear down this wall!” after resort staff erected a curtain barrier between the buffet tables and exhibit hall to limit noise. President Trump recently included funding for a similar curtain barrier in his annual budget proposal.
• Trashing the use of the phrase “redshirt freshman” as demeaning and offensive. “They’re not even British,” she said to a cascade of boos.
• Proposing a “Green New Deal” for college basketball players that would equally allocate booster funds among all players, regardless of skill.
• Pledging to land the first college mascot on the moon. “They’re people too. Inside, ya know? Like it’s, they’re not, like, ya know, real. Or something.”

Henderson NCAA Tournament President Matt Henderson presented AOC with a commemorative bust of himself to thank her for her attendance, and announced that proceeds from the annual meeting’s dinner and silent auction – themed “A Brick at a Time” – would benefit the Border Wall.