Tournament Entry Fees to Skyrocket 3,000%

Officials’ Complimentary Entry Policy for Themselves Under Scrutiny

(Albuquerque, NM) – Henderson NCAA Tournament Officials announced that, due to unforeseen circumstances beyond its control, entry fees for the tournament will rise by approximately 3,000%.

Tournament Executive Vice President for Financing, Administration, Equity, Inclusion, Diversity and Environmental and Social Governance Pat Henderson stated that officials were working expeditiously to secure high-interest loan options for tournament participants. “We recognize the strain these unavoidable fee increases can have on the family budget. Missed mortgage payments. Delayed utility bills and service terminations. Forgoing school lunches. We hear you. And, we see you,” said Henderson.

Asked at her daily press briefing about the shocking increase, White House spokesman/woman/person Jen Psaki laid the blame squarely at the feet of “Vladimir Putin and his GOP cronies.” Psaki urged the Tournament to provide free entries to financially disadvantaged participants, while touting the need to invest in “wind, solar and other renewables” to bring down entry fees over time.

President Biden, asked to comment on the situation, called the Tournament officials a “bunch of lying, dog-faced pony soldiers.” Tournament officials responded, saying “Goats? Sure. But we don’t have any ponies.”

# # #