Tournament Marks 18th Anniversary of Corruption, Ineptitude

Revokes Betty White’s Lifetime Achievement Award

(Coeur d’Alene, ID) – With no known secret grand-jury investigations currently confronting it, Henderson NCAA Tournament officials recently gathered for their 18th annual gala and silent auction at the Coeur d’Alene Resort in rural Idaho. Prior to the evening’s festivities – culminating in a live auction of dinner for two with Dick Vitale which received no bids – officials announced a series of actions by its Board of Directors.

  • Inked a deal with Purell to become the exclusive hand sanitizer provider of the Henderson NCAA Tournament.
  • Signed an agreement with Germ-X to become the preferred hand sanitizer provider of the Henderson NCAA Tournament.
  • Executed a contract with Big Bob’s Lotions and Creams to become the sole hand sanitizer provider of the Henderson NCAA Tournament. bernie
  • Retained the services of U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders as the official mitten spokesman of the Henderson NCAA Tournament. “They’re not just for baking anymore,” said Sanders.
  • Passed Resolution 2020-04, condemning the actions of the Houston Astros in their recent cheating scandal. “Beyond the pale,” said Tournament Vice President for Fair Play and Competitive Balance Patrick Henderson.
  • Revoked Resolution 2020-04 and announced a strategic cross-promotional partnership with the Houston Astros. “We’re fortunate to have such strong corporate partners like the Astros,” said Tournament Vice President for Overseas and Domestic Marketing Patrick Henderson.